Love is stronger than death

Love is stronger than death

It's been 15+ years since my daughter died. Her picture, next to the bed, gets a kiss most nights. Long periods of time will go by with no dreams of her, no mention of her name. And then suddenly there'll be a burst of Lena-energy to boost my spirit.

Over the last week, I received a surprise gift from a new friend who just learned of how much we miss Lena, a Facebook message from one of Lena's high school friends who's still coming to terms with what she meant to him and took the time to share his thoughts with me, and hanging her violin Christmas tree ornament brought a flood of Suzuki lesson tunes swirling through my head. All these things add up to a heart full of love.

What touched me the most though was the lengthy, heartfelt, and detailed message from her high school friend. There is nothing a mother loves more than hearing stories of how her child loved the world and left her mark on others. I'd never heard from him before and yet, he'd been showing up throughout his life with guidance from his memories of her and the impression she had on him.

This season, tell your stories. To the mothers, to the siblings, to the friends. There can't possibly be a reason to hold back. Any tiny tidbit can spark memories, joy, love, and laughter. If there are tears, not to worry. Those are good for the soul too.

So please, tell us your stories. It's a free act of kindness that feels priceless and so very precious.

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To tell the truth

To tell the truth

There may have been pickled relish trays on the employee Christmas banquet tables that evening in December some twenty years ago. I don't recall. I do remember feeling full of the holiday, the season, and later, that celebratory night, delight mixed with reticence at being the focal point of the traditional after-dinner skit--a modified and fun reenactment of "To Tell the Truth." 

Do you remember that mid-twentieth century TV sitcom? Its where contestants discover which of three persons (two are imposters) is the real personality. The guessing game ends when the moderator says, "Will the real so and so, please stand up?" The characters taunt the audience a minute longer with false attempts to stand. Eventually, the real person rises fully revealing their identity. 

So often we can't or won't see ourselves as we are. Blinded by doubt or longing to be something other than our most authentic selves, we look to trusted friends for reassurance. Is there a better way of knowing oneself than having our good friends' qualities reflected back to us?

Near the end of the banquet table, there are no more chairs. It's where the life-long quest to define who or what or how we are in the world, isn't an empty, pointless, and unfruitful endeavor or nearly as uncomfortable as we thought. It's the end of the table where they've placed the most sumptuous desserts, and it is where we've found our best selves standing. Instead of hesitation, there is sweet, courageous independence of telling our truth. 

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